Reading with Scissors

February 26, 2009

Cosmetic surgery = inner beauty, outer weirdness

There are those certain women who exude confidence and beauty. The ones who walk into a room and all eyes are drawn to. Like a train wreck. Like, say, Joan Rivers.  Or Donatella Versace. (And it’s not just for women!) They love the skin they’re in. Even if it’s not, precisely speaking, their skin.

So skip the therapy, don’t examine the underlying values. Get a nip, tuck, or a boob job, and get some new skin to be in. Then get a big, wide, weird belt, cinch it up and you’re golden. And don’t forget preventive maintenance.


February 22, 2009

Those madcap divorce lawyers

Filed under: What's wrong with this picture? — Tags: , , , — readingwithscissors @ 4:08 pm

Why are these people smiling? Because they’re eager to serve. You. Or your spouse. With papers.


February 18, 2009

National Lampoon’s Alaskan Vacation

Filed under: Destinations — Tags: , , , , , — readingwithscissors @ 7:54 pm

“Son, we  didn’t come all the way to Alaska to see Denali National. We’re here to touch the pipeline!”


February 10, 2009

Imagine you’re Captain Kirk–watching TV.

Filed under: Collectibles, You need this. Honest. — Tags: , , , , , — readingwithscissors @ 8:38 pm

The Barcalounger for Trekkies. For only $2,700, you get a full size replica. Of a prop.

And yes, people are buying them.


February 1, 2009

Biker Christmas tree…in March

This ad appeared in the March, 2009 issue of Rider Magazine, and just arrived on newsstands. This raises questions:

1. Are bikers slow on the draw for the holidays, or the ultimate earlybirds?

2. Do bikers share a weird ceramic Christmas tree jones with Boston Terrier lovers and Cub fans?

3. If a biker could only have one, would it be this tree or this snowman?

Also–note to The Bradford Editions: Enough with the “It Lights Up!” stuff.


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