Reading with Scissors

January 29, 2009

Blago leather sale

Filed under: Torn from the Headlines — Tags: , , , , , , , — readingwithscissors @ 10:13 am

A limited-time offer.

sofaad1

January 26, 2009

Toe Gitmo

Filed under: Health & Beauty Aids — Tags: , , , , , , — readingwithscissors @ 8:44 pm

Socks? So over them. Stocks are in. It’s like enhanced interrogation for the feet. And the little piggies feel so good when they get out.

footstocks

January 22, 2009

Obama signed, sealed, delivered–on a plate

Filed under: Collectibles, You need this. Honest. — Tags: , , , , — readingwithscissors @ 9:36 am

Mark this momentous occasion in our nation’s history with a cheesy piece of crap. Despite our greatest hopes, some things will never change.

obamaplate1

January 16, 2009

As if Blagojevich weren’t enough

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: — readingwithscissors @ 10:23 am

As Patrick Fitzgerald put it, “Lincoln would turn over in his grave.” Or go water skiing. Or skydiving. Or ride a Harley.

abeottawa

January 14, 2009

The passing of the Slinky mogul

Filed under: Torn from the Headlines, Uncategorized, Uncommon Obituaries — Tags: , , , , , — readingwithscissors @ 9:47 am

 We lost a lot of giants in 2008. Paul Newman played with race cars but thanks to Ms. James, the rest of us had the Slinky. Toy magnates lead the most interesting lives.

slinky1

January 11, 2009

Manic-making toilet paper

Filed under: Health & Beauty Aids, What's wrong with this picture? — Tags: , , , , — readingwithscissors @ 12:27 pm

Extra soft, extra weird. 

childwithtoiletpaper

January 5, 2009

What part of “senior discount” don’t you get?

Perfect for seniors who:

  • aren’t sensitive about revealing their age
  • want to take no chances when it comes to discounts
  • don’t mind not getting a senior discount on their senior discount cap

Coming soon: “Kick me, I’m old” T-shirt.

Special thanks to an anonymous Reading with Scissors fan for contributing this.

seniordiscount1

January 2, 2009

The right to bear bear spray

Manitoba considers “bear-spray control,” because bear spray is being used in robberies and other crimes. But here in the United States, we know that bear spray doesn’t rob people, people rob people.  To ward off attacks on our freedoms that creep down from up north, the NRA quickly mobilizes to form a splinter advocacy group: The NBA (National Bearspray Association).

bearspraynew

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