Reading with Scissors

It’s fast food. It’s junk food. It’s fast food. It’s junk food…

readingwithscissors — Thu, 22 May 2008 02:18:32 +0000

It’s like Burger King fries. And ketchup. Except it’s not.

Lubricate your cartilage and get out the wheelbarrow!

readingwithscissors — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 20:19:39 +0000

One day he takes the stuff and pushes her around, the next day she does NutraJoint and carts him around.

Danica’s Twinkie Fantasy: Twinkies as an Ingredient

readingwithscissors — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 02:26:39 +0000

Before she was in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue, Danica Patrick did Twinkie endorsements. No Ho Ho jokes.

S’Mores Toaster Strudel

readingwithscissors — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 00:52:05 +0000

Why bother with campfires, graham crackers and marshmallows. Gather ’round the toaster!

And feel good about it: 33% less sugar than Pop Tarts. Add a Diet Coke and you’ve got yourself a breakfast to feel good about.

Performance-Enhancing Slippers (PES)

readingwithscissors — Sun, 24 Feb 2008 23:00:52 +0000

Roger Clemens ordered a pair of these, but they were for his wife.

If You Can’t Stand that Awful Fishy Smell

readingwithscissors — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 23:07:14 +0000

Quick, close the door! Those actual ocean breezes are nauseating.

Crisco Olive Oil

readingwithscissors — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 01:12:54 +0000

…meanwhile in Italy, olive oil producers launch a revolutionary new product : vegetable shortening.

WWJD? MBA

readingwithscissors — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 08:12:04 +0000

Come the rapture, no MBA left behind. Where to start? The ultimate in distance learning. Specializing in exit strategies and mission statements. Really “Built to Last.”

They had me at free laptop. (Advertisement in Newsweek, Oct. 8, 2007)

New frontiers in preventive medicine

readingwithscissors — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 04:06:23 +0000

An ounce or two of prevention…. Play along and forget the part where she could have not gotten implants in the first place. (Ad in Orange Coast magazine, November 2005)

A nose to be proud of: $9.97

readingwithscissors — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 02:05:33 +0000

OK, the “Before” and “After” is a little subtle. But you can’t beat the price.