Reading with Scissors

February 1, 2009

Biker Christmas tree…in March

This ad appeared in the March, 2009 issue of Rider Magazine, and just arrived on newsstands. This raises questions:

1. Are bikers slow on the draw for the holidays, or the ultimate earlybirds?

2. Do bikers share a weird ceramic Christmas tree jones with Boston Terrier lovers and Cub fans?

3. If a biker could only have one, would it be this tree or this snowman?

Also–note to The Bradford Editions: Enough with the “It Lights Up!” stuff.

bikerchristmastree

December 29, 2008

Injectable butter

The perfect match for the turkey hypodermic needle. Inject Tony Cachere into turkey according to instructions. 

injectablebutter1

Turkey hypodermic needle

New meaning to the term “turkey shoot.” Nothing says holiday family get-together like shooting up a turkey. Wondering what to inject? Got that covered.

turkeyhypo

December 23, 2008

Bikers meet Thomas Kinkade and it ain’t pretty

Filed under: Collectibles, holiday specials — Tags: , , , — readingwithscissors @ 9:58 am
  1. Three 3-D villages inside snowman’s belly: Check
  2. Vehicles that run around the snowman: Check
  3. It lights up: Check
  4. Won’t burn down your house: Check

Hey wait a minute, something smells and it ain’t burnin’ rubber! The Kinkade mashup snowman seems a lot less special right now.
snoway11

December 21, 2008

Potentially green Christmas wrapping paper

Whoa! The label on this roll of wrapping paper says the paper is RECYCLABLE! What is it, made of switchgrass or bamboo or something? Way cool. 

recyclable4

December 18, 2008

Marilyn Monroe Christmas Ornaments

Never forget what Christmas is about: Glitzy, glamorous, resin figures on polymer ornaments. And “The Seven Year Itch.” And “Some Like It Hot.” And after you hang Marilyn from your tree, put Animatronic Elvis under it.

marilyn1

December 15, 2008

Flameless candle

From the same people who brought us plastic glasses? Battery operated, adjustable fragrance, and it has its own Web site.

flamelesscandle

December 9, 2008

Christmas countdown lawn ornament

Because it’s so hard to keep track of just when Christmas is. Can also be used indoors. 

countdownsnowman

December 4, 2008

Cubs Sleigh ride to Hell

As with every annual Cubs ornament, lump of coal free with purchase. You’ll enter this season in the “win” column. You’ll finish “elsewhere.”

cubs sleigh ornament

November 30, 2008

Thomas Kinkade’s Nightmare before Christmas

It’s a Kinkade mashup. On LSD. Did the snowman eat the villagers?

Only one per customer. But wait, a wild biker gang has invaded the village!

kinkeadechristmas

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